I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The adults are the big ones right?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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