your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
