2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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