That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
