i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i was born a porn star she said
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
