dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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