so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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