Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He has the fingertips of a God
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
