I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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