Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
