Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
