I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
