You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
