I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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