i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
