HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Pants are for mortals
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize