I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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