I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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