I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
