I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Sorry my hands just texted you
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
