I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
