Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize