I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
