You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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