dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
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I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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