Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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