I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
