he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He? As in you personified your dick?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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