she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
COCAINE IS GR8
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
