this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
