I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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