the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
