Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
