they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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