it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
