mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
