Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
