I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
