yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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