some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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