please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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