Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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