I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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