My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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