READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm both gender and math confused
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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