Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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