trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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