i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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