u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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