why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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