Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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