i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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