I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
