He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
