When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
