"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
