so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
