Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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