He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
