dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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