I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
