i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
