At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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