Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
