Your face is a jimmy john
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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