So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
