I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
