***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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