thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
