why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
