You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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