Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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