I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize