we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
two words: eviction party
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
