Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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