she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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