No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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