Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he wants to bone in the snuggie
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
