im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
