We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She needs sedatives and a leash
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
