i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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