wanna go halves on a baby?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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