I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
