How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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