she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
