I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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